


safest sounds

by emptyswimmingpools



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Parabatai, Post-Episode: s01e13 Morning Star, Post-Season/Series 01, The Bros™ talk it out, protect jace 2k16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7000504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyswimmingpools/pseuds/emptyswimmingpools
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Since when have you not just barged in my room without my permission? What happened to the real Jace?” he jokes, though he’s certain there’s some truth behind it. Jace hasn’t seemed right since his return — understandably: the last month, Alec imagines, could not have been easy for him. Jace’s face sinks, twists into an expression of hurt. “Jace,” he says lowly. “Come in.”</p><p>Or: Alec and Jace talk about the recent drama and reconcile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	safest sounds

They got Jace back this afternoon, perhaps a month after he had first sacrificed himself. Alec’s been in shambles since — it sort of feels like it’s too good to be true, like Jace is sand in his hands destined to slip away, to be taken from his grasp before he has the chance to secure his grip.

His _parabatai_ rune has been playing up; it’s felt tingly every so often, particularly around Jace, which is a little unfamiliar and strange. Alec likes to think it’s a good thing, like they’re mending their bond after having been separated for so long, and it’s almost as if everything between them is suddenly OK again. He knows it’s not really — they still have their complications, their hesitant glances and unspoken words, that they need to talk about — but the illusion is nice, even if just momentarily.

Having Jace back is… it’s like home is actually _home_ again. Without his recklessness and sarcasm the Institute has been dreadfully quiet and incomplete, like an old jigsaw puzzle with a center piece missing, or a book with important pages ripped out. It had felt lonely, despite the fact that he had Izzy and Clary and _Magnus_ to talk to, and although he can never thank them enough for helping him cope, it just wasn’t the same.

Alec has never been one to deal with change well. He finds comfort in familiarity, in the smallest of things he’s grown to know and love over the years. Consistency has always played its part in Alec’s daily routine of demon fighting and sibling discussions, but without Jace there, he couldn’t have that. Sure, Clary’s arrival a few months back messed with his head, too, but this, _this_ was to a whole new degree: it was _Jace_ who had complicated things, even if it was for the greater good in the grand scheme of things. Jace, who he’d known most of his life. Jace, who would do anything for him, as he would do the same for. Jace, his brother, his _parabatai_ , his other half.

When Alec and the others had found him on Valentine’s ship, it was like his heart had leapt out of his chest in relief. There was, of course, also a great deal of anger over accidentally letting Valentine escape (again), and after they had made their way back to the Institute with dopey grins and damp clothes, they had hugged and even shed one or two tears as soon as they had the opportunity to. It was sort of like he was feeling every single possible emotion all at once, and it clouded and burdened his thoughts in the best way fathomable.

His mind hasn’t quite adjusted to everything yet. So when Jace knocks on his door at about half past eleven at night, Alec nearly jumps out of his skin in surprise. “Can we… I don’t know, can I come in?” Jace says, seeming oddly uncomfortable.

Alec smiles. “Since when have you not just barged in my room without my permission? What happened to the real Jace?” he jokes, though he’s certain there’s some truth behind it. Jace hasn’t seemed right since his return — understandably: the last month, Alec imagines, could not have been easy for him. Jace’s face sinks, twists into an expression of hurt. Alec’s heart drops in his chest. “Jace,” he says lowly. “Come in.”

Jace sits next to him on the edge of Alec’s bed, which is slightly cold and readily made after not being used for a month (he’s since slept at Magnus’s loft, as the Institute had been too painful a reminder of what had happened). Jace’s hands clasp together, fidgeting with his fingers, like he normally would if he had a stele at hand. “Valentine,” he says, “Valentine is what happened.” He takes a deep breath, agitated, and Alec places a firm hand on his shoulder in a weak attempt at comfort. Jace stiffens under his touch, then relaxes a little.

“By the Angel, Jace. What did he do to you?” Alec asks.

Jace turns to face him, a look in his eyes that Alec can’t decipher properly. “It’s more what he did to others, not me.” He chuckles darkly, shaking his head in what must be disbelief. “He just— he’s merciless, Alec. He tortured people — innocent Downworlders, mostly — right in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything about it. He’d tell me that they deserved it, and that’s why he…” he trails off, unable to finish the sentence. “I kill demons for a living, Alec. I know a demon when I see them and Downworlders aren’t— they aren’t like that.”

“I had it all worked out. I knew exactly what I wanted, where I was gonna go… and then he tells me I’m his son, and suddenly it’s all ripped away from me. He raised me, Alec. He raised me to be like that, and I just… It’s like, I know I’m not fully evil. But there’s a part of me that is.” Alec opens his mouth to protest, but Jace continues before he can. “I’m related to him. I have his blood. There’s a part of me that’s like him, and there’s a part of me that’s capable of… _that_.”

Alec shakes his head. “No,” he says firmly. “I know you, Jace. You’re good. You’re not him, and even though it might feel that way right now, it’s true.” Jace looks at him with wide eyes, uncertain and lost. “He might’ve raised you, but you also grew up with me, with us.”

Jace points out, “Robert and Maryse were also in the Circle, though.”

“Exactly,” says Alec. Jace raises an eyebrow inquisitively, confused. “Did Izzy and I turn out like that, even though we had their prejudice opinions pushed on us?”

Jace sighs, “No.”

Alec smiles slightly. “So do you get it?”

“It’s just— nevermind. Can we just talk about something else?” Alec looks at him with the utmost concern. “It’s too soon. We can bitch about our parents another time, yeah?”

The dark haired boy chuckles. “Of course.”

“So how are things going with Magnus? You’re still seeing him, right?” Alec nods, a slight blush threatening to show on his cheeks. “Tell me about him. Does he make you happy and stuff?”

“I think I’m about to die of embarrassment,” Alec says. “Right. Uh, well, yeah. Yeah, he does make me happy. He’s— I like him so much it’s sort of scary. I don’t regret choosing him for a second. I can’t explain it, really. He makes me feel important for once. Like I’m not just Mom and Dad’s puppet, y’know? He cares about me, and I care about him. A lot.” Why is it that every time he mentions Magnus, he loses the ability to speak coherently?

Jace grins at him, all wide mouth and soft eyes. “That’s great, Alec. I mean it. You of all people deserve to be happy — you’re so… selfless. It’s nice to see you doing this for yourself, for once.” Alec wants to disagree (Angel knows just months ago he definitely would’ve), but if he’s learnt anything recently, it’s that he’s allowed to be selfish. Sometimes he even feels _proud_ of himself for everything he’s done, which although is a basic emotion, is a big step for him: he never imagined himself feeling like that, and it’s nice. It’s like a certain warmth bursting in his chest, surging through his veins. It’s pleasant and when it happens he never wants it to halt.

(But it does go eventually, and it feels irrefutably empty for a while afterwards. Alec doesn’t like it, but it can’t be helped. In time, he thinks, he’ll perhaps feel even more self-assured, then maybe the emptiness will never come.)

“Thanks, Jace.” Alec shifts a bit, scooting closer to the shorter boy. “Anything else you wanna talk about in particular?” he asks.

“Not that I can think of,” he replies. Alec isn’t convinced, but doesn’t push him. Instead, he tells him _OK_ , and pulls him in for a tight hug.

Jace sighs loudly in his arms, seeming to relax a bit more. “I missed you; probably more than I missed anyone else. I’m glad to be back.” His words are muffled by Alec’s shirt — which, actually, isn’t Alec’s shirt at all: it’s one of Magnus’s, which Alec was shocked he even owned considering how plain it is compared to the rest of his wardrobe, and it may or may not bring a flutter to Alec’s heart when he thinks about it. “And, actually, there _is_ something I wanna talk about.”

“I’m glad too,” he responds. “And what is that, exactly?”

“My name.” Alec shoots him an ‘I don’t know what you mean’ look. Jace specifies, “My _sur_ name.”

“What about it?” Alec naïvely asks.

“I don’t know what it is. I’m not really a Wayland, am I, if I was raised by Valentine?”

“I guess not,” Alec confirms.

They sit in silence for a few moments, which is somehow both awkward and comfortable at the same time. Jace opens his mouth to speak, hesitant and sudden, but the words he’s searching for don’t spring off the tip of his tongue for a little bit. “Can I take your name?” Jace blurts out, and Alec’s heart freezes for a moment. “It’s just… you’re my family, yeah? You and Izzy, like you said. The Lightwoods,” he explains.

“Jace Lightwood,” Alec says, trying out how the name sounds. “I like the sound of that.”

Jace grins. “Me too.”

They tell Izzy in the morning. Her face lights up and she hugs Jace so tightly Alec swears Jace can’t actually breathe in her grip. He smiles at them regardless, a warm, safe feeling blossoming in his chest like a flower of sorts. _Family_ , he thinks. _This is my family, all together again_. He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry for the ooc-ness; i tried, ok? and i know that i'm technically supposed to be on a writing hiatus, but i felt oddly inspired to write, so *shrugs*.  
> the title is from talk me down by troye sivan, though i'm not sure if it fits the actual writing right.  
> who needs to follow book canon in terms of jace's surname, am i right? *laughs nervously*  
> also, i hope you're having a good day. leave a comment or kudos if you're feeling nice, maybe? x


End file.
